Emotions

Lately I’ve been coming to many important realizations about my life.  Some of them are positive, and I guess, in a way, they can all be positive because I’m learning, but right now most of them are just upsetting and depressing.

I’m working really hard on doing what I want.  And I don’t want to hang out with people I don’t like.  So I have been avoiding particular groups of people.  It is difficult since my “friends” are “friends” with these people.  Which makes me realize that my “friends” aren’t really friends at all.  They are people I hang out with, not people I want to hang out with.  To be honest, it feels like I’m surrounded by terrible people.  But at one point I did make the decision to spend time with these people, and now it’s a habit…more like a disease, a virus I can’t get rid of.  There are some people I hang out with who are so incredible that words can’t even describe their behaviour.  Tonight, for example, I was told to, “Shut the fuck up.”  How rude and disrespectful is that.  This person offended me, and decided instead of acting maturely he was going to say that.  He didn’t even say it to my face.  He said it as he had his back to me, walking away.  That takes no courage.

This is a very often occurence with this individual.  I’m no longer going to acknowledge their presence.  I’m tired of their bullshit. 

A little while ago I was disrespected greatly by someone whom I was fairly close with.  They singlehandedly ruined a 2 year friendship.  Congratulations.  I hope your newfound arrogance is treating you well.  I can’t wait until everyone else realizes what a prick you are.  And same to your partner in crime.  I’m really glad you chose their lies over my friendship. 

I’m so disappointed that the whole thing made me so upset, I should be tougher than that.  Same with tonight as well. 

But another realization is that, these people think I’m a total bitch.  And all I can remember is how a friend told me that any woman with power and who can intimidate men is considered a bitch.  So yes!  Bring on the name-calling!  I’m a bitch through and through.  It’s become clear to me that these people who have disrespected me and treated me so poorly have done so for a reason.  I intimidate them, one way or another.  Is it because I’m stubborn?  Or that I’ve fought hard to get to the position I am at today?  I don’t know what it is, but I’m starting to like it.  While they are insulting me, everyone else gets to see it. 

So this is all fine and dandy, but I’m losing “friends”.  I’m seriously lacking true friends.  I’ve surrounded myself with these people for 2 years and now I’m struggling to see how I can meet other people.  I don’t have a best friend.  I don’t have a lot of girl friends.  I don’t have a lot of guy friends.  Maybe my standards are too high?  Or maybe I have to make my way through the filth in order to find the gems?

I don’t even know what to say or think anymore.  It looks like I have some serious work to do.

Well?

I love my Mom.  She’s extremely important to me and has played a huge role in my life, not just raising me but inspiring me as well.  Sometimes she can be a bit of a scatter brain despite her intelligence.  Her driving scares the crap out me.  But I still love her.

When my mom is just puttering around, say, standing in the kitchen and thinking, it’s like she’s off in her own world.  And then she says, “Well?”  To no one in particular.  My brother and I always ask her, “Well…what…?”  And she never has an answer for it.  In fact, she’ll look at us like we’re the crazy ones.  She doesn’t even realize she says it!

Which got me thinking…we all have these little subconscious habits that we could never notice unless someone pointed them out to us.  Tapping our feet, fidgeting in our chair, playing with pens, twirling our hair, picking our nose, etc.  Ew to that last one.  But it’s true.  I don’t know what my habit is.  Someone would have to point it out to me.  I have a friend who, whenever he gets into a sticky situation, will tap his foot like crazy.  That’s a dead giveaway that he’s doing some serious thinking.  And he’s not happy about it.

Another example, people who draw with their tongue sticking out.  Or people who play sports with their tongue sticking out.  It’s actually very common.  Apparently my uncle played basketball with his tongue sticking out and then bit the end off when he came down from a jump and his jaw snapped shut.  Don’t know if it’s true or not.  My brother would stick his tongue out when he did a trick bike riding.  Every action shot of him doing a trick showed his tongue sticking out like a lizard.

Some people pick the hairs out of their head and examine them.  It’s a disease.  And kind of gross.  A girl in high school used to do it.  Poor girl got made fun of forever.  Actually, I think the disease included eating the hair afterwards.  A fast search concluded its called trichotillomania, pronounced trick-o-till-o-mania.  I also learned it’s very common and that the sufferers will pull their hair out when they encounter stressful situations.  Yeesh.

Summer Clothes

Everyday I look through my dresser to find something to wear.  And everyday I’m disappointed by what I see.  I love clothes.  I love fashion.  I love looking stylish and put together.

But my summer wardrobe is damn depressing.  The thing is, I’ll find one type of shirt or short that I love and then get it in several colours.  Which is fine.  But then that is all I wear for 5 summers until I just can’t deny that it is covered in holes and stained beyond cleaning.  Ugh!  I’ve gotten to the point where I have a lot of crappy t-shirts and nothing spectacular.  I don’t even want to talk about going-out clothes.  Because OH YEAH!  I don’t have any of those either! 

I’ve run out of places to shop.  I used to LOVE American Eagle.  But now I find that it’s way too high school.  And it doesn’t fit.  Anywhere.  Growl.  I do LOVE H&M.  But lately I can’t find anything in that store that looks good.  On me anyways.  Winners is excellent, if you have time to spare looking through all the crap for one gem.  So what the heck can I do?!  I go out everyday looking so blah.  And that’s not me.  I’m all personality and…personality!  Not boring red t-shirt. 

So do I wear my ‘pretty nice stuff’ out for day to day activities?!  But then what if I ruin it?!  I bought this wicked shirt from Le Chateau…haven’t taken the tags off yet because I’m afraid someone will come along and ruin it.  How ridiculous is that.  But then again…its got too much cleavage for everyday activites, and lets be honest, if I wear it to a bar, then it is very possible some fool will spill their drink all over me.  Ugh.

Here I am, wearing a polo from American Eagle.  And I wear it pretty frequently.  And its pretty obvious.  You can’t spice up a polo.  There’s nothing exciting about it.  Its not even a colour, its a NEUTRAL COLOUR.  Boring yet again.  I’ve run out of ideas.  Sigh.

New Music

I am always on the lookout for new music.  I listen to a wide range of genres.  Since I love dancing so much, I listen to quite a bit of popular music just so I know the songs when they come on in a club, but I don’t usually buy dance music. 

My favourite type of music is a genre I can’t really put a name to.  Alternative/pop/punk all at once.  Happy music.  Bands like Motion City Soundtrack, OK Go, Attack in Black, Spiral Beach, Metric, and the new band I listen to, Vampire Weekend.  I also LOVE Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker.  If they would just re-release their CD, my life would be so much better.  I’m pretty sure most of the bands I named aren’t really popular, and I actually like it better that way.  I can’t stand having to listen to a popular song on the radio over and over again. 

Usually I’ll hear a single on the radio, and if I like it, then I’ll take a chance and buy their CD.  Sometimes it’s amazing, sometimes I listen to it once.  I thought I’d like Joel Plaskett’s Emergency but I didn’t.  Too out of this world for me. 

I have a few classic CDs too.  Like Spice Girls!  Not that they’re classic, I mean CDs like Nirvana and Bob Marley’s Legend.  And I NEED to get Queen’s Greatest Hits.

I actually just wrote that on my CD list.  Bohemian Rhapsody anyone?

 

 

Marc Anthony

Dear Marc Anthony,

I’m totally in love with you.  The way you smell, your beautiful colour, the way you make me feel, and most importantly, the way you clean my hair.  Strictly curls.  You hydrate and protect, you eliminate frizziness, and you really do smell like a tropic paradise.  It just makes me want to have a pina colada and lie on the beach.  Covered in sunscreen of course.  You make my hair perfect and radiant.  And I also really appreciate that you switched from using those terrible old bottles. 

Sincerely,
Your biggest fan,
The Good Samaritan

Guys in Skinny Jeans

Some guys can pull it off.  Probably most guys can’t. 

And I know some ladies find it incredibly unattractive, but I think that if you look good you should do it.  Just like guys who wear pink.  99% of guys look good in pink.  And purple too.  Not just pastel colours, but bright pinks and purples as well.

So if you can pull off skinny jeans, fellas, you should go for it.  I think that in order to be able to pull it off, you gotta be pretty skinny and not have much of an ass.  And you have to rock out in that style, kind of skater emo.  A preppy kid could not wear skinny jeans.  Mostly just Abercrombie and Hollister with flip flops.

I pay a lot of attention to what people wear.  Probably too much attention.  I love clothes.

And guys in skinny jeans.